ED got you down? That doesn’t mean doom and gloom to a fulfilling sex life for you or your partner. The world of sex and pleasure is always changing. Everything from the most popular (ethical) porn sites to the very definition of sex itself is constantly evolving, and the old schools of thought around erectile dysfunction are well… old. Your wiener may not always stand tall, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be a winner at sex. Here’s everything you need to know about having satisfying sex without an erection.
Erectile Dysfunction 101
40% of men experience erectile dysfunction by the age of 40. That’s a boatload of boets. By age 60 that number increases to 60%, and take it from us, sex doesn’t stop at 60, and it shouldn’t. That would blow.
Erections happen when your brain picks up a sensory que (like the sight of your partner or their touch) that turns you on. Your brain then sends signals to your penis, telling its blood vessels to relax, letting blood in faster than it can leave - causing an erection. Erectile dysfunction happens when something interferes with that process, making it difficult to get or sustain an erection hard enough or for long enough to have penetrative sex.
While there are treatments to help overcome erectile dysfunction and tricks to help sustain an erection for sex, learning to own it and become a pro at sex in different ways is central to gaining your confidence and embracing your inner Eros.
The Definition Of Sex
Sex is most commonly thought of as penetrative penis-in-vagina intercourse culminating in an orgasm (or multiple), but over time the definition has changed. Sex has come to mean anything that provides sexual pleasure to yourself, and your partner and it doesn’t have to culminate in an o-face. Sex can encompass anal sex, oral sex, hand-work, and use of toys over and above the traditional penis-in-vagina action.
Ultimately, you get to decide what sex is, and expanding your definition leaves the door open for becoming a sex god in a plethora of ways. And we know you’re thinking it, so to clarify – no you’re not currently a sex god.
That brings us to our next point…
Sex & Pleasure
The old ideas of sex centred around the self and reaching an orgasm. But sex is so much more than the means to a spoonful of jizz. When you leave that idea behind, sex becomes an endless wonderland you and your partner get to explore and enjoy together.
Being open with your partner and discussing what you’d both like to try and what each of you enjoys will help you discover a whole new kind of satisfying sex life. Think about things you’d like to try and listen to what your partner wants to try. Combining the two could actually become what you’ve fantasised about before.
Communication = Lubrication
Consider watching or reading erotic material together, spending more time on different forms of sex, or even trying different kinks like nipple play, BDSM, or roleplay. As long as you’re both enthusiastically consenting, the sky’s the limit.
How To Have Sex Without An Erection
Committing to having sex that doesn’t end in typical penetrative sex could be the game changer you and your member need to gain confidence and find new ways of enjoying sex. For example, trying a session of oral, toy, or hand stimulation (or all of the above) without any penetrative action will prove to you that you can please your partner without your penis, and it’ll be the ego boost you didn’t know you needed. You’ll probably also find that your partner’s pleasure feeds into your own and you’ll be able to stay hard for longer than usual. It’s because of this that a healthy amount of foreplay is key to fulfilling sex on both sides.
So great, you can get your partner across the finish line without a boner, but what about your own pleasure?
Sex without an erection doesn’t mean there’s nothing in it for you. Beyond satisfying your partner (which should be a good enough reason), you get to explore different ways of feeling pleasure yourself. Quadriplegic spinal injury patients, who can sometimes battle sustaining an erection fit for sex, experience orgasms in more tantric ways from things like finger sucking, massages, or pure imagination, and there’s nothing stopping you from exploring these options either.
ED isn’t a death sentence for a fulfilling sex life. Broadening your understanding of sex, being open with your partner, and trying new things all go a long way in giving you back the mojo you thought you lost. In the end, you don’t need ED treatment to be good at sex, you just need to ride the ups and downs if you’re picking up what we’re putting down.
The articles published by &BAM are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. If you have any medical questions or concerns, you should contact your doctor.